Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He felt like a one man threesome
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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