I can text with my tongue
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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