If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
