worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
