just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
