I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
