you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
