I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
