You made me cry and you don't even care
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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