Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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