SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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