They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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