So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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