and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
