just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
