Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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