Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
