im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
