Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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