Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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