so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
