Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
