Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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