so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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