You can't motorboat a personality
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
