I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
