How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
