You're earring is so big in my mouth
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
