The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
