I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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