I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
