I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Let's get the cat blown out
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
