That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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