so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
