Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This baby is an asshole
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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