Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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