Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
