ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
