you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
