I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
