There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
