i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
id be glad to
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
