so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
