Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
