I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
