Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
