I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
