We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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