I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
