there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
